Failure is often worn as badge of honour; an apparent 'must have' in the cycle of personal development. However, what is now known is that the idea of failure brings a deep failing of shame; therefore most people will avoid something or a situation if they think they might fail or be regarded as a failure.
Think about this. Sometimes people talk overly about failure, or having failed, or that we might be a failure. I believe this is destructive; and I believe that it’s nonsense.
Why? Because the idea of failure is so subjective. But we fear it, right? We fear being judged by others. Because we all want to feel worthy. So the idea of failing, despite the popular rhetoric, feels incompatible with this desire.
The popular parlance that we hear: ‘Oh I failed, and I am proud’ feels a bit FUBAR to me. If we never tried anything then success would elude us. If our Neolithic ancestors had never ventured outside the cave, then, well the rest would ‘not’ be history. They didn’t worry about failing. This belief is a modern day thing.
This is a powerful thought.
Especially if you’re feeling like you might have failed in some way. Or, worse still, someone else thinks it is their right to tell you that you have failed at something. (I remember having a similar discussion with my therapist about this, and the rolling of the eyes and sharp intake of breath said it all).
Why?
Because when this notion is re-framed to be simply part of life’s journey, then it can make us feel really empowered. When considered subtly differently in language, but then significantly different in sentiment, we’re no longer powerless; it just becomes part of life’s rich experience.
Imagine this as an alternative internal narrative: ‘I have never failed at anything. If things have gone wrong then I have simply been learning and this is part of life’s continuous cycle. If I have to try, over and over again, I will keep trying because that is what I do. My character will not fail me, it will only make me stronger’.
Have a great weekend people; and stick the proverbial two fingers up (even if just in your head) at those who feel they can, or try, to hold you back.